Almost...

My first losing session of the year. But I ended up plus $15. What a waste of time lol...but then again, I showed some heart and battled back, being down as much as $350 or so. I'm happy to experience some variance and be fortunate enough not to have to lose two buy ins. I'm really finding that positive/wishful thinking is causing me to flop a lot more sets. Sure it could be a coincidence. But I dunno, the frequency seems to be increasing.

No really crazy hands to talk about, but there was one hand that helped me battle back up to over even against Mr. Cocky (the kid I talked about in a previous entry). Cockles raises to $15 in middle position. I defend in the Big Blind with A10 suited. I don't really like playing this kind of crap out of position, but against a player like him, he could be holding anything and it's very likely I have the best hand. If I hit hard, I can probably trap him for a big pot, and if I'm not feeling it, I can get away.

Another player in EP (early position comes along) and we see the flop 3 ways.

A 10 x (x being a 6 or some sort of rag if I recall). I flop top two pair. Pretty much the flop I was hoping for. Now there might have been a flush draw out there, but I don't remember. It doesn't matter in this hand. I check, with the intention of check calling, and leading the turn. I feel a checkraise will make him fold unless he hit strong. Perhaps, he'll put me on a draw and think I'm semi bluffing the turn. To my surprise, EP and he also check. Turn is a 7.

Now the board is getting a bit iffy, and I'm not going to check again regardless. I bet around 25-30 bucks. EP folds. Cockers hesitates for a while, counts out some chips and makes it about 65. Now I'm thinking, maybe he has a big Ace after all. A set or straight is obviously possible, but I'm not feeling that. I hesitate for a while, and then reraise to about 120. He looks a bit miffed, possibly even disgusted, and finally calls. (keep in mind these betting amounts are not exact...I apologize, I should probably try and remember details if I'm going to talk about a hand)

River is a blank, and I quickly push all in for just over a hundo. Again, he looks disgusted but finally calls. He has A7 for a smaller two pair and I win a nice pot. Yay! I can tell he's really starting to not like me. Haha!

Anyways, the game went into the wee hours of the morning, and eventually broke 3 or 4 handed. Was up about $15 when it was all said and done. I probably could have ground out a winning session, but I was very card dead, and bored. So I played a lot of junky hands in non-optimal situations. I shouldn't be playing when I feel like that, because I bled out a lot of chips...but oh well. It helps me learn for next time to be a bit more patient. And instead of playing trash, I should be observing other players and picking up valuable information to use against them later.

Today was officially two weeks no smoking! It's been tough, but it seems to be going good. I forgot to wear a patch a couple times recently, and surprisingly it went ok. Today was one of those days. The day went along fine...but when I got home, I was overwhelmed. My cats were begging for food as if they hadn't eaten in days, and while I was struggling to put away groceries, I picked up a bottle of Olive Oil which proceeded to spill all over the floor and onto my clothes. My built up tensions boiled over. I fucking lost it. Yelling, swearing, etc. Then I find out Bella had unravelled all the toilet paper. So like a crazed lunatic, I brought her into the bathroom, shut the door, confronted her about her mess, and scolded her loudly. Then, while she cowered in the corner, I proceeded to spray her with a water bottle, leaving her no where to run or hide.

A wave of remorse immediately ran over me. The look on her face almost made me cry. My poor Bellerz...I quickly slapped on a patch and cleaned up. She lurked nearby, with a shameful look on her face. I called her to me, and apologized. We are cool again now. :)

I then made a monstrous meal of Olive Oil Mashed potatoes (thanks for the recipe Paul :D), a nearly 1 lb Ribeye, topped with garlic butter sauteed mushrooms, and a caesar salad. Those who know me, know I am no gourmet chef. But in my new single life, I've discovered I must fend for myself, and what better way to occupy my time then to learn how to cook! Well it was hectic in the kitchen, and trying to time everything got a bit tricky. But the steak turned out better than ever, the mushrooms were fantastic (a tiny bit over cooked), and the potatoes were also very nice. Possibly the best meal I've ever made. Quite satisfying. Mak couldn't stop licking his chops and trying to get at it. He managed to steal some milk though.

My bowflex routine has suffered a bit lately, first being interrupted by a sudden unplanned drinking spree on Friday, and failing to pick up where it left off. But I've discovered that perhaps it is time to use my dumb bells, which have sat unused for years, still in their original box. They are much heavier and more difficult to use then the machine weights. Pushups, curls, and other such exercises have shown me I can push myself to new heights in the comfort of my own home. Running the stairs is also a great cardio workout. I just need to get more consistent, and I think I may join the gym soon as well.

Oh my God...Mak and Bella are adorable. Bella is licking/biting Mak's face. Apparently he did not wash it after dinner...hahaha! What would I do without these two goons?

The prospect of a very lonely, single, and uneventful birthday looms. Tomorrow I will reach the ripe age of 27. Wow. 27. Age creeps up on you very suddenly. I can't even believe it. And here I am. In the middle of Alberta, essentially alone, unhappy and really wondering how I got here in the first place...

I still remember vividly, my first day of grade 1, finishing my work early and running out on to the playground completely alone, allowed to begin recess early and explore the school yard uninterrupted. That particular moment stands out so clear in my head. I remember thinking,

"Wow. The world is a big place. Look at all of this!"

Little did I know how big it really was, and all I would see in years to come.

That was well over 20 years ago. Are you serious? Or grade 6, smashing the bottoms of our desks with our knees when Mrs. Minken's back was turned, causing an annoying ruckus that would drive anyone nuts. Almost 15 years ago. Grade 9 dances, driver training...Then, my first introduction to alcohol and recreational drugs (only a couple reefer toots :P) in high school.

My my, how time flies. Thinking back how much I loathed going to school...heck I would give anything to be back in those care free days. No bills, work was actually fun at the Tower Theatre...cruising Broadway...driving to Manitoba to drink at the bar...cutting class to see a girl...

Then my decision to go to Calgary. The world suddenly seemed very large. Larger than I could ever imagine. Adjusting to big city life was a daunting task that lied ahead. I met so many new people, experienced many new things. Out on my own at last. And then I wonder...

Would I have changed anything if I could? I can't imagine how things would have turned out if I had made some different choices. Perhaps better. Maybe worse. I'll never know...that is, unless I can discover the secret of time travel and alternate dimensions.

I feel like things get more clear everyday. I continue to learn from my choices, and especially my mistakes. I feel like it is making me a better person. But I'm in a very transitional phase of my life. Cold hard reality has gripped me tightly...I'm getting older. It's an inevitable part of life. Heck, another 27 years and I'll be in my mid 50's... Sometimes, I feel more lost than ever. Are things really getting more clear? Because sometimes, it's so blurry I think I've lost a contact lens. Sometimes, I want to just lay down and give up. Everything seems to be a constant struggle.

What do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to be? What are my greatest desires? What is preventing me from already being there? What can I do to change this?

These are things that cross my mind everyday, and yet I fail to really sit down and contemplate these unanswered questions. And time goes by. Faster and faster everyday. I think it is time, for drastic change...I have a lot to figure out in the next little while. And I feel I can't put it off anymore. Life is too short, and time is too valuable for me to sit around in despair, or confusion.

Times they are a changing...and either I get left behind, or I grudgingly move forward, into the vast unknown. I realize again, the world is bigger then I ever imagined...

And it scares the hell out of me...